Top 7 Dos and Don’ts for Co-Parenting Your Student Athlete

Everyone needs a “thing” that excites and interests them, even children. Your child’s “thing” should help them develop passion, forget troubles, and grow in mind, body, and spirit.

Extracurricular activities, like sports, make a wonderful “thing” for children. Every child stands to benefit from the lessons sports teach, like:

• Discipline
• Work ethic
• Time management
• Teamwork
• Following instructions
• Goal-setting
• Patience
• Good sportsmanship/behavior management
• Cooperation
• Socializing and networking

For a child experiencing divorce, sports deliver unique advantages. Children of divorce gain extra mentors and time away from home when they participate in sports. Unfortunately for some, home could be a source of pain, loneliness, or strife when parents are divorcing.

Sports and other extracurricular activities give your child an activity to focus on outside of academia. They typically prevent screen-time obsessions or the destruction idle hands can get into.

Athletic activities are incredibly beneficial to developing well-rounded, well-adjusted kids. Yet, they require commitment from both children and parents. Those commitments can add extra layers of complexity in a co-parenting situation.

Consider the following Dos and Don’ts. Then, discuss your thoughts and ideas with your co-parent as much as possible.

Download a co-parenting app to make co-parenting discussions easier to start and document.

DO Discuss a Budget

Sports cost money. While your child may have a gift or love for a sport, create a budget (monthly income minus monthly expenses) to determine if you can afford it.

Ask for your co-parent’s input. Divorce can drain both parents’ bank accounts. While your co-parent may want to help out, they may not be able to pay half.

You may have to pay for the entire cost of your child’s athletic season or career. You might also have to get them to and from every practice. And you may have to do so for all the sports your child loves.

You and your co-parent may be lucky enough to share athletic expenses. If so, use a child support app to easily request, pay, and track everything money- and child-related.

DON’T Use Your Child’s Sport to Punish Your Ex

Always put your child’s well-being before your pride.

Your co-parent really wants your child to participate in a sport. You couldn’t care less. However, you’ve found an opportunity to stick it to your ex by refusing to help pay when you can afford to.

That’s putting your child in the middle. That’s leading with pride instead of your child’s best interest. And that’s a way of hurting your child and yourself more than your ex.

Don’t try to make your ex jealous by bringing new love interests to your child’s game.

Don’t humble brag on social media about your selfless commitment to your child and their dreams.

Don’t use other parents in the stands as your post-divorce, therapeutic sounding board.

Don’t avoid your child’s games or competitions just because your ex will be there, too.

Want to watch your child’s events but have a restraining order? Speak with legal counsel and your co-parent. You may both be able to attend if you can maintain appropriate behavior.

DO Communicate Early and Often

Whether you like it or not, you, your child, and your co-parent are a team. You need to discuss expectations and schedules that everyone can agree to.

Your child needs to know how you and your co-parent expect them to balance success at school with success on the field.

You and your co-parent need to discuss schedules, transportation, and money. A co-parenting app can help you view, develop, and stay accountable for your many decisions.

The best-laid plans require flexibility. You’ll likely have last-minute schedule changes because life happens.

Give your co-parent grace when they request help with transportation. They may return the favor one day when you need it.

DON’T Rely on Your Memory

There are too many moving parts in navigating sports not to write information down. You will forget things if you’re relying on memory.

Write and share schedules with your co-parent. The easiest way to do that is by using a shared co-parenting app.

DO Ensure a Good Fit

Children are highly impressionable. Monitor your kid’s behavior to make sure the sport they are playing, the coaches, and other players they team up with are a good fit.

You want sports to be fun and beneficial. You don’t want to accept a coach or teammates who scream at your child, make them feel bad about themselves, promote poor sportsmanship, or teach inappropriate or dangerous behaviors.

Discuss concerns with your co-parent and league officials.

DON’T Abandon Sports

Keep your child in sports as much as possible. The scheduling headaches are worth the trouble.

You gain an extra pair (or several) of hands, helping mold your child into a well-rounded adult. Your child stands to learn invaluable lessons on perseverance and rebounding from setbacks.

DO Keep It Fun

Sports should be enjoyable. Avoid putting extra pressure on your child to excel or be perfect. Let your child know you are proud of them for their hard work, dedication, and sportsmanship—not their achievements and accolades.

Co-parenting a Student Athlete

Juggling your job and time commitments with those of your co-parents is difficult enough. Adding your child’s school and sports activities adds extra layers of complexity.

Have no fear. You can make it through any season together with these Dos and Don’ts, a commitment to your child’s best interest, and a shared co-parenting app.

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Infographic

Extracurricular activities like sports offer children, especially those facing divorce, valuable benefits. Sports can provide mentorship and a positive escape from potentially painful home environments. Check out the infographic for key dos and don’ts, and discuss your thoughts with your co-parent.