The “It’s A Wonderful Life” Check Every Co-Parent Needs

Co-parenting is hard.

It can be filled with negativity as you and your co-parent work through hurt emotions.

It’s mentally and physically taxing to shuffle your child and their belongings from one home to another.

It can be heart-wrenching sending a child off into a somewhat unknown world at their other parent’s house where you have no control.

You’re fed up with late child support payments.

Holding your co-parent accountable and having them check up on you is exhausting.

This blog is the mental boost every co-parent needs.

Journey through the mental exercise below any time you need motivation. It will help you remember your ‘Why’ and strengthen your resolve to make co-parenting work.

The Mental Exercise

Here’s how the exercise goes: You’re going to imagine a life without co-parenting.

If you’ve never seen the iconic 1940s black-and-white Christmas movie “It’s A Wonderful Life” starring Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed, here’s the gist:

Stewart’s character gets a chance to see life without him in it. By the end, he gains a new perspective. His struggles don’t seem in vain anymore. The not-so-good times no longer bury the good. He learns to appreciate the relationships with people who love him.

Now, begin imagining what your life would look like without your cooperative co-parenting efforts. Your child either has one parent taking care of them and never sees the other, or you and their other parent share custody but openly argue, fuss, and fight.

Dive further into this make-believe world. How do your actions affect your child? Consider how they might suffer from your inability to work amicably with their other parent. It will affect:

• Relationships
• Maturity and growth
• Behavior
• Quality of life

Relationship Troubles

In this alternate reality where you don’t attempt to co-parent amicably, the conflict between you and your child’s other parent builds and builds. You constantly bad-mouth the parent in front of your child. You make your child feel stuck in the middle–like they are your personal spy and must swear their loyalty and undying love to only you.

You and the other parent put your hatred for each other first rather than your child’s well-being or strengthening your relationships with them. Your child ends up resenting one or both of you.

Disruptions to Maturity and Growth

Next, imagine what a lack of cooperative co-parenting does for your child’s growth and maturity.

In addition to stressors from peer groups, school, competitive extracurricular activities, and the like, your child gets no reprieve at home. They feel the tension. They hear the anger.

The lack of peace breeds anxiety and internal turmoil. Your child can’t focus at school or their after-school job. Their grades suffer. They hate being at school. They hate being at home. It’s a life full of hate.

You can’t deal with the ever-growing conflict, either. You stop doing parental things and start to break down. Your child has to fend for themselves while you lock yourself in your room, away from the stress. Soon, your child will have to take care of you, too.

Behavioral Problems

You and your child’s other parent refuse to get along. You go tit-for-tat on your revenge–they showed up late for the custody swap, so you do, too. They forgot your child’s birthday; you don’t help or let your child celebrate theirs. Their custody payment is late; you withhold custody time.

Your child, whose mind is like a sponge, sees your communication and behaviors and assumes it’s the right way to treat others. The unhealthy family dynamics are normal to them now.

They grow to believe that everyone treats each other this way. It affects their friendships, other family relationships, teachers, classmates, and fellow employees. It’s always an “eye for an eye” as they learn never to let go of any wrongs.

Poor Quality of Life

You and your child continue to have relationship troubles. The two of you don’t get along. Neither do you two really get along with anyone because everyone has wronged you at some point, and you’ve returned the gesture.

You two have trouble getting and keeping good-paying jobs due to your poor attitudes and behaviors. You and your child’s other parent don’t financially support each other in raising a child. You can barely afford adequate housing or food.

Reality Check

In reality, you try to make co-parenting work, putting past wrongs aside so your child can build a relationship with both parents. You always give it your best even though your best looks different every day. The important thing is that you don’t give up and won’t give up.

Without your efforts for respectful communication and fair treatment with your co-parent, your child’s relationship with one or both of you could seriously suffer.

Your child experiences enough stress as they grow. They don’t need to deal with age-inappropriate stressors such as two grown adults who don’t know how to co-exist in the world. Luckily, you try to keep your interactions with your co-parent business-like and child-centered.

You use co-parenting apps to share child-related information, schedules, and expenses. Your willingness and ability to share with your co-parent makes co-parenting life easier over time.

As your child’s primary role model, your commitment to positive co-parenting helps them learn to give others their respect and cooperation. They have you to thank for their positive behavior and communication patterns.

It’s A Wonderful [Co-Parenting] Life

Committing to positive communication and behaviors with your co-parent can be challenging, especially if they aren’t meeting you halfway with the effort.

Trust that your continued vigilance is positively affecting your child and your life. Luckily, divorced family apps make your co-parenting tasks and communications easier.

When the going gets tough, stop and imagine the downward spiral of life without your continued efforts. A mental exercise like this can motivate you to keep up the excellent work.

Your efforts and time are worthwhile. Your child needs you. You need you. You have what it takes to make life better for both of you.