Shared Responsibility: Tech and Internet Guidelines for Co-Parents

Technology is beneficial in your everyday life. As a single parent, it can help you stay more connected with your children while they are in your ex’s custody. You can pursue higher learning on your own and from anywhere. It can even “edutain” (educate and entertain) your children while you cook, do chores, or get ready for your day or night.

The advantages aren’t without their disadvantages, though. Tech and other types of screen time can be addicting, especially for young minds. There’s a lot of adult content kids could accidentally stumble upon. And, then, there’s all the access to you, your child, and your private information.

Keeping kids safe online and balancing technology usage across two houses can cause co-parenting concerns or conflicts. Below, we discuss technology and internet safety for your children across two homes.

How to Get on the Same Page

Communicate

You and your ex are two different people making the rules for your own households. It would be pretty uncommon for you two to come up with the same rules for your children’s technology and internet usage without discussing it first. So, the first guideline is to communicate your expectations and find common ground.

Communicate with your co-parent and your child. Educate children on what information to share and what to keep private. Teach them that not everyone who acts friendly actually is. Also, teach them some of the not-so-helpful trade-offs to our otherwise helpful technology, like:

• Emotional and behavioral problems
• Obesity
• Poorer sleep
• Shorter attention spans, which affect learning and emotions
• Time dilemmas

Use Professional Recommendations

Feel free to use the American Academy of Pediatrics’ screen time recommendations for your and your co-parent’s discussions and planning. They recommend the following screen time rules:

• Children 18 months and younger–No screens except to video chat with family and friends.
• 18 months–Two years–Limit screen time to high-quality, educational programming. Watch with your child to aid understanding and ensure content quality.
• Two-Five years–Limit screen time to an hour per day. Try to watch with them or be within earshot.
• Six and older–Decide on screen time as a family. Stay consistent. Make sure usage doesn’t impact sleep, behavior, or exercise.

Use a Co-Parenting App

A co-parenting app can help you and your co-parent create, share, and maintain clear, consistent family rules surrounding technology usage and screen time.

Additionally, a co-parenting app with expense tracking capabilities can help you and your co-parent share the expenses that come along with technology usage–cell phone plans, personal tablets, data overages, etc. Snap a picture of your bill and request payment for your co-parent’s part through the app for transparency and conflict-less payments.

Ensuring Good Quality Tech Usage

Preview the programs, games, and apps your child wants to watch or play with before allowing your child access. Check reviews such as those on Common Sense Media for help determining what’s appropriate for their age. Opt for educational or interactive programs, and try to watch, play, or listen along with them.

Keep your child’s tech usage in an open area of the house where you can supervise what’s happening. Explain how advertisements and commercials work.

Use parental controls to filter or block certain types of content. Some tech appliances are built with younger audiences in mind and only allow access to certain types of content. You can even set up YouTube to filter out content based on your child’s age.

Encourage older children to take regular technology breaks and play. They should move their bodies and pursue creative things more than they watch a screen.

Establish and enforce time limits and curfews when they must put away their technology. You can tie movement, school work, or housework to technology access by changing the wi-fi password and not telling them what it is until they’ve had enough time away. Apps can help control how long your child is on their device.

Modeling Good Habits

Be a positive role model for your child. Set an example by not letting technology control you. Don’t be tied to your phone or other devices most of the day. Avoid checking messages or social media during meal times. Limit your own TV time, and don’t leave it on for background noise.

Using Tech Wisely

Should you eliminate technology and devote all your time to quality time with your kiddo? No. You have things to do around the house, for one. For two, you need mental breaks, yourself, and things that stimulate you more than playing pretend with your toddler.

You can intersperse child-attentive time with screen time when you need to be more productive or need a mental and physical break from overstimulation with your child. It’s better to turn on the TV or let them have access to their tablet for about 30 minutes than to approach them when you’re overly stressed or frustrated.

Sharing the Tech Responsibilities

Set and enforce similar rules across multiple households. First, learn professional guidelines for children and their technology and screen time, like the ones in this article. Second, communicate your knowledge and expectations with your co-parent.

Co-parenting apps can help you put your agreed-upon guidelines in a place you both can see and refer back to. Some co-parenting apps can also help the two of you request and pay technology-related expenses to each other that child support payments don’t cover.

Ensure quality tech and screen time, listening in as much as possible. Use it sparingly, interspersing play and creative time with some tech time. Set a good example for your child, monitoring and optimizing your own usage.