Prepping for Co-Parenting Before Childbirth

As your baby’s due date draws nearer, you might want to get your “bug out” bag ready to go. It’s a duffel bag you keep by the door, ready to grab on your way to the delivery room. It has anything you might need during your overnight stay at the hospital after delivery–a change of clothes, sanitary and toiletry items, and perhaps a comfort item.

Two parents who already don’t plan to be in each other’s lives once their baby is born have something else to prep during the days leading up to birth–their co-parenting plan.

Co-parenting has challenges, but organization is the key to making things easier. The more you plan before the baby is born, the better prepared you and the other parent can be. You can enjoy more time with your child and less (or no) time in court if you two can come to some agreements on your own.

In this article, you’ll find what to discuss for your co-parenting plan–like joint custody and child support–and why flexibility is critical. You’ll also learn how apps for divorced parents help with expense tracking and other co-parenting tasks.

Start ASAP

Reach out to your co-parent now and begin building a respectful relationship. Planning for co-parenting before the baby is born is easier than waiting until you have a newborn to take care of. Schedules tend to become more complicated once the baby arrives.

Communicate

Communicate regularly and only about child-related things. Experts recommend written messages over phone calls or in-person chats, especially if your communications can get unfriendly.

Texts and emails are okay for written communication, but co-parenting messaging apps work best. They keep unalterable documentation in one place–no sifting through thousands of texts and emails to find what you need. Some even have tone meters to help you and your co-parent keep your discussions respectful.

Establish fair expectations and boundaries. Communicate honestly but also with respect. Always remember that your child’s well-being is most important.

Learn Together

If this is the first child for either of you, consider signing up for a baby care class (together or separately). Taking the same or a very similar class can help you build a stronger team bond. It can help you think through and talk about some vital parenting decisions you might not think of on your own. You can begin discussing co-parenting options and parenting styles with professional guidance.

Create a Parenting Plan

A parenting plan is a written document stating the desired schedules, rules, and routines you and your co-parent plan to follow after your baby is born. This agreement helps to iron out some kinks that naturally come from two parents raising the same child across two different households.

Parenting plans cover many aspects of a child’s life. This written agreement should be as specific as possible. However, it also needs to allow for life’s uncontrollable circumstances, everybody’s developmental changes, and trial and error.

Here are a few things you’ll want to try and nail down as you get started:

• What should joint custody look like? In other words, who will your child live with and when?
• How will you exchange child support payments? Consider a child support app.
• How do you plan to handle holidays and vacation schedules?
• Do either of you have ethnic, religious, or educational expectations?
• Who handles school communications?
• What should screen time limits be for different age groups? What about social media accounts?

Flexibility in the Parenting Plan

No parenting plan is set in stone forever and ever. You and your child’s needs will change as you both age. Consider a breastfeeding baby’s need to be closer to Mom versus a preschooler’s needs, for example.

Include in your parenting plan a process for making changes and agreements. A co-parenting scheduling app can help you handle parenting plan change requests more seamlessly than relying on text threads, email chains, phone calls, voice mails, or in-person meetings.

Beneficial Routines

Children feel safer and benefit from more structured routines. The younger they are, the more vital the structure. Babies, especially, have particular factors parents must consider when creating a parenting plan.

Consider the following questions when creating a baby-specific parenting plan:

• When will Baby start sleeping overnight with the co-parent?
• How will Baby be fed, especially a breastfed infant, without Mom?
• How will Mom and Dad communicate regarding feeding and sleep routines?
• Who will schedule and take Baby to doctor’s appointments?
• When should Mom or Dad introduce solid foods?

Accept Your Lack of Control

You can’t control your co-parent. Period. Let go of any desires for power over them. All that matters is that your child is safe and cared for.

Document any suspicions or instances of neglect or possible abuses within a co-parenting app and show them to legal authorities. Besides safety, you don’t get a say in how your co-parent parents.

You two will parent differently, and that’s okay and beneficial. Even married parents have their different strengths, weaknesses, and parenting styles. Children typically benefit from the differences. Understand that your way isn’t the only acceptable way to raise a child, and you aren’t perfect either.

How to Prepare for Co-Parenting Before Childbirth

What’s the best way for you and your child’s other parent to prepare for co-parenting responsibilities when the child hasn’t been born yet?

The same way all other parents should–get a head start on your parenting plan. Keep your communications in writing as much as possible, keep them respectful, and keep them child-focused. Understand that your plan won’t be perfect and will require flexibility for life’s changes.

You Can Do It

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the National Vital Statistics Report found that roughly 1.46 million unwed women had babies in 2022. If you’re a woman about to raise a child alone, trust you’re in good company. Have faith in yourself that you can do it like millions of other women in the U.S.

Fathers, if your baby’s mother isn’t reaching out to you, be the first to extend an invitation to start building a healthy working relationship and start creating a co-parenting plan together.

Video

Infographic

As your baby’s due date approaches, preparing for co-parenting is as important as packing your hospital bag. If you and your co-parent aren’t in a romantic relationship, establishing a strong co-parenting foundation can reduce stress. Explore this infographic for five key steps to prepare before childbirth.