Making the Most of Custody Time: Boosting the Dad-Child Bond

Creating an emotional bond with your child can be challenging as a dad, especially if they spend most of their time with your co-parent. You might wonder how to act, what to do or say, or where and when to draw boundaries.

You want your child to think time with you is fun. However, you also want to respect your budget and their disciplinary needs.

Discover some meaningful bonding potential below. Also, learn some fun and free or low-cost activities you and your child can do together.

Can a dad with limited joint custody and child support obligations make magic memories on a budget? You bet!

Ready to deepen your bond and discover the joy of parenting?

Actions and Attitude

You may struggle to find your footing as a single father. Do you try to be the “fun parent” throwing caution to the wind? Should you be the stricter disciplinarian, ensuring your child excels in academics or sports? Do you ignore monetary limits to show your child a good time?

Below, we discuss some actions and behaviors that put you in a sweet spot to improve your and your child’s bonding potential.

Be Worth Being Around

Be the kind of person you’d like to be around. Take stock of your usual moods and behaviors when you have your child. Do you sit around watching TV? Are you busy with work? Do you keep a similar routine to theirs? Do you get easily frustrated?

To improve your bond, you must do fun things with your child. These things are free—show them attention, curiosity, light-heartedness, interest, and praise more than reprimanding, correcting, and aggravation.

Project a good mood—an air of “Let me soak up every ounce of time I have with you.” Aim for about 75% fun, games, high fives, and other pleasantries and about 25% correcting behaviors and doling out consequences.

Mean What You Say

Say what you mean, and mean what you say. In other words, be trustworthy in words and actions. Your bond with your child can fray if they can’t trust your words or moods.

If you’ve made some mistakes in this area, determine what promises you can make and keep (i.e., being on time for custody exchanges, taking them somewhere special, having patience, etc.). Remain true to your word. Repeat to gain a good track record with your child.

Focus on Positives

No child is perfect. Your child will have mood swings and poor judgment. Focus on what your child does right. Praise them when they are big helpers around the house or out in public.

When they do wrong, address the issue using the PIP sandwich method for criticism—Praise, Instruct, Praise. Tell them something positive about themselves, insert the criticism, and then praise again.

Be Attentive

Set aside time each day, letting your child lead in play or conversation. Put distractions away and give your child your full attention for at least ten minutes. The older they are, the fewer moments of attentiveness they need in a day.

Activities

Find some suggestions below for activities you and your child can do together that you may not have considered. They increase your togetherness and attentiveness and can even help you break the ice for deeper, more meaningful conversations.

These eight ideas cost little to no money—great for any budget:

1. Dance—Boys and girls of all ages can appreciate a catchy song. You two can let down your guard and share your moves, grooves, and favorite tunes.
2. Go on a Nature Walk—The Great Outdoors can promote mindfulness and serenity. You get to experience the big and tiny things together. It can get you out of your headspace and help you and your child connect.
3. Engineer a Fort—Build a cozy fort inside with cushions and blankets, a rugged one outside with sticks and leaves, or a tiny one with Lego or blocks. Building builds your and your child’s creativity, teamwork, and problem-solving skills.
4. Create Something in the Kitchen—Show your child an essential survival skill by teaching them to feed themselves. It can be as simple as opening and heating a can of soup and putting together a sandwich, or it can be more complicated culinary skills like baking or grilling. You teach them patience and appreciation for other cooks. Plus, you have a chance to teach them healthy nutrition.
5. Look Up at Night—Kids love a break in routine. Go outside and look at the stars at night instead of your usual regimen. You may be able to find good deals on used or rentable telescopes. Consider downloading a free stargazing app like Stellarium Mobile or SkySafari that labels the celestial bodies.
6. Get Artsy—Get creative and chatty. Bring out the coloring books, blank pages, pens, crayons, paint, and anything else you have. Keep it casual by freestyling, or turn it into a contest. Try drawing ideas from a hat.
7. Grow a Garden—Planting a garden teaches your child valuable life lessons, like work values, patience, perseverance, and farming. It gets you active and outside.
8. Volunteer Together—Find a volunteer opportunity. It can relate to an interest or not. Your child can learn the importance of boosting their community while also boosting their self-worth, love for others, and willingness to serve instead of being served.

Bonus—Snap pics of your child doing these activities. Share them with your co-parent via your divorced family app if it supports picture-sharing.

The Dad-Child Bond

Bonding with your child isn’t always instinctual. Just remember, your consistent actions and attitudes mean more than anything. Be the kind of person you would enjoy being around. Show them attention. Be trustworthy. Focus more on what they do right than on what they do wrong.

Just put forth your best effort to strengthen your bond with your child and see what works. Some of these activities may become a “Dad Time” tradition your child looks forward to.