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How To Get Replies On Dating Sites

September 24, 2021
Tips
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Congrats! You did it—you matched with someone on a dating app. You’ve even taken the hardest step and started a conversation, asking how their week is going or referencing that funny thing in their profile. But now what? How can you be sure that you’ll get a reply?

I puzzled over this when I first started using dating apps, and now I’ve helped hundreds of clients navigate that weird limbo between matching and meeting in person by teaching them how to get replies on dating sites. That’s what this guide will do for you. It will give you my 7-step method to getting replies from potential dates no matter what dating site you use. 

How To Get Replies On Dating Sites In 7 Steps

Here are the key things I’ve learned about how to get your message read, and (hopefully!) replied to:

1. Focus on quality, not quantity. 

Don’t message with too many people at once. It’s important not to put all your eggs in one basket, but at the same time, don’t talk to so many people that you feel overwhelmed, let things fall through the cracks, or just don’t have the energy to craft a thoughtful response to everyone. Make sure you can devote focused time and thought to each conversation, so that you’re putting your most interesting foot forward.


2. Compliment common interests and personality, not looks. 

People want to know that you’re reaching out for more than just how they look. That can come later.

3. Stake out common ground, be positive, and focus on the person’s unique qualities. 

There’s no better way to build a connection than to find commonality and make it clear that’s why this person sticks out to you among all others.

4. Ask questions. And keep asking! 

This is the single most important piece of advice I can give. It’s all too easy for people not to respond when they feel like there’s nothing to directly respond to, or when they feel like the person they’re talking to isn’t that curious about their life. So don’t let that happen! Kill two birds with one stone: demonstrate your curiosity about the other person AND give them an easy way to keep the conversation going—all they have to do is answer your question!


5. Keep it short and simple.

Don’t get into long texts right away. You don’t need to go into lengthy detail when telling a story or something about yourself. Talking for too long and too in-depth can build up some unrealistic expectations for meeting in person. Save the deep dive conversations for when you can do them face to face!

6. Re-read what you wrote before you hit send.

Make sure your message makes sense and check for spelling, grammar, and typos. It’s easy to write someone off when their messages seem sloppy.

7. Be yourself!

Finally, and most importantly, be true to who you are. Show your true colors so that you wind up going out with matches who genuinely like you for you!

Get Out There

You’ve got this. Establish a connection using these 7 tips, and then get to it and ask the person out! Finding common ground, complimenting personality, asking tons of questions, and being yourself—all of these are just as important once you get to that in-person date. Showing genuine kindness and curiosity in your messages and in person is a surefire way to knock it out of the park.
To find out more about messaging and everything else dating and style, you can order my book The Art of Online Dating

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More About Alyssa Dinnen

Alyssa Dineen has been a fashion editor, stylist, and art director in New York for over 20 years. After she divorced at age 41, she began online dating, and rediscovered herself in the process. Through this journey, she found many people out there that could improve their dating profiles and while doing so, their understanding of what they want.