Best Mistakes To Avoid For A Happier Divorce
If you were wondering about 10 divorce mistakes to avoid, this post will explain everything. Here, we will give you a list that will inform you of what not to do during your divorce.
Unless you have been through a divorce in the past, it is understandable that you will make errors while going through the divorce process. Most people are emotionally blinded and have difficulty making perfect choices during the stress of divorce.
Common areas of mishap during separation
- related to personal boundaries
- involving your children
Keeping this fact in mind, this article has been compiled with examples of errors commonly made by those going through a divorce. Join us as we expose the 10 divorce mistakes you should be aware of.
Reasons To Steer Clear Of These Post-Separation Issues
There are many reasons you’ll want to steer clear of the list of divorce mishaps we’ve outlined below. When children and family are involved, the reasons become even more important.
Common pitfalls of divorce such as financial errors and emotional turmoil can often lengthen the healing process for you and your ex. Being certain to do things right (the first time) might be hard but you’ll regret it down the road if you don’t.
Here are some reasons avoiding divorce pitfalls is recommended:
- You’ll have to deal with residual consequences of mishaps
- More problems prolong the healing process
- Your children will suffer tenfold
- Anger and resentment will build up
- Communication will deteriorate
- The divorce will be even more unpleasant
10 Divorce Errors That Follow You Long Term
1. Using Children as Leverage
If the two parties and spouses having a divorce share children and a family together, there should be complete agreement in the beginning that the children should not be used as pawns to get back at the other party. Many have made the mistake of negotiating time spent with the kids to receive extra money and other conciliations. Not only will this type of behavior blow up in your face in court, it will also affect the children involved in a negative manner.
The divorce process is stressful to everyone in the family. Here are some additional reasons your kids shouldn’t be involved emotionally if you want what’s best for them.
Why Kids Shouldn’t Be Involved In The Craziness
- it’s overwhelming to them
- they internalize everything and could suffer mental issues down the road
- parents should understand that kids are not adults
- it makes problems worse
2. Verbally Downgrading Your Spouse to Friends and Family
During a marriage, both partners share family and friends, sometimes long enough for both spouses to form loyalties. When you speak derogatory to your friends, kids and family of your soon to be former spouse, you tend to alienate these people in the process. This often happens during a divorce, and it’s an unfortunate thing because having support is crucial to your mental and emotional well-being.
Many couples find that friends try to avoid both of you so as to not become caught up in the middle of any disagreements or hurt feelings. This is especially true during the divorce process, but it can certainly be avoided. In the end you could lose relationships if you ask them to choose sides. In addition, your kids will suffer big time when you engage in this behavior.
PRO TIP: Read this blog article on 21 important divorce tips you may not be aware of. We know you’ll learn a bunch of things that will help ease the stress of the process.
3. Lie About Finances
During the marriage, it is common for one of the spouses to take care of the finances and assets while the other may not have much interest. This can sometimes be a pathway for the one taking care of the finances while married to lie to the other during a divorce.
Even if one thinks they can get away with hiding money and assets, the truth will usually come out in the end, as courts will force you to disclose the truth about finances. If caught hiding funds, you could face penalties in court and end up handing over any hidden money to your ex.
In addition, you may have to pay child support which could cause another issue with finances between you and your former spouse. Using an app to pay child support and keep all transactions clear is a great way to prevent miscommunications.
4. Not Hiring an Experienced Divorce Attorney
Attorneys are there to protect all of your interests during a divorce. So many times one spouse will suggest having only one attorney involved to save both parties money. This is a mistake. In effect, any attorney that is hired by your spouse is representing them. Make sure you hire your own attorney to look after your needs during a divorce.
5. Going Through a Divorce Without a Therapist Involved
As mentioned before, divorce takes a toll on everyone’s emotions involved. One of the best ways to keep your sanity and those of your children is to have a counselor to talk to. A professional mental health professional only cares about your mental health and will guide you in the best way to handle your emotions and needs during a divorce.
For children, therapists can help them know divorce is not their fault and give them a positive insight into their future. This is important because more often then not, the divorce process can take a toll on your kids.
PRO TIP: Read this great blog post on protecting your mental health through divorce. Get help from a therapist too! We know you’ll feel better if you do.
7. Refusing to Compromise
Compromise is the result of any negotiation, and divorce is certainly a negotiation. If both spouses dig their feet in and will not work together on making decisions, they could be in for a long and nasty divorce.
Why This Divorce Mistake Is A No-No
- leads to anger
- causes the divorce to get bitter and nasty
- doesn’t allow for a peaceful divorce
- often leaves children in the middle
Learn to compromise and make decisions first on the simple things. Once you have learned to compromise on a few of these, it will make it easier when it comes to the more important decisions you must make together.
8. Making Large Purchases During a Divorce
Middle-aged crisis, getting what you deserve, taking care of you are all words that mean the same thing when it comes to those who make large purchases during a divorce and denying the other of the money. Either way, a judge will not look as fondly on the purchase as you. In many cases, you will end up having to sell whatever expensive item you purchase to pay back the same amount of money to your one-time spouse.
Mistakes To Avoid
- buying a new car immediately following separation
- buying a house
- any large, expensive, out of the ordinary purchases
- fancy trips
The best course of action is to not make any large purchases until after the divorce is final and it is determined how any money will be split. If not, you could find yourself having to pay a large amount of money back. You can also use a coparenting app to manage purchases and expenses and keep track of everything as needed.
9. Refuse to Work Together on Shared Expenses
The more cooperation you have as a divorcing couple, the smoother your divorce will go. Shared expenses, especially when kids are involved and child support is an issue, don’t go away during a divorce. There could still be a house, car, and other financial responsibilities in both you and your spouse’s names.
One way to better handle shared expenses without physically communicating face-to-face is to use an application such as DComply. This app allows you to pay agreed-upon shared costs, pay child support, keep track of disagreements about finances, and more. By using technology to both parties’ advantage, payments can be organized and paid without interacting with the other as much as possible.
PRO TIP: In addition, read this article on steps for paying child support online. It’ll walk you through the process with ease and grace.
10. Using Children as Messengers
It never fails. One spouse doesn’t want to speak to the other, so they pass a message on to the other parent through a child’s visit. Before you know it the children are caught in the middle of an argument and expected to be the arbitrator.
This is not a function of a child during a divorce. Even if the first message was innocent, it could soon be out of control. Both of you shared your lives together. It should not be so difficult to speak to the other that you must include the children. If there are legitimate reasons, you cannot speak to your ex, communicate through your lawyer at the least.
PRO TIP: Read this blog post here. We know it’ll answer all the questions you have!
The Divorce Process Isn’t Easy
Divorce isn’t easy. Actually, the divorce process is hard! And the bottom line is that mistakes might very well be made. But keeping these things in mind, you can prevent any long term damage to the relationship and other relationships involved such as those with your kids and family.
Doing Things Right Is Important For The Kids And Family
By following the few rules outlined in this post, you will find you will have a much more civil divorce. In addition, the uncomfortable feelings you have to deal with will not be exasperated or made worse.
If you’re interested in a long term plan, you’ll want to be careful to do things the right way the first time. Don’t fall into the trap that others have made. Prevent the pitfalls of a stressful divorce by doing what is right by both parties.
We hope you clearly learned all about 10 mistakes to avoid during your divorce and wish you the best in your journey.