Coping With Your “Disneyland” Co-Parent: 7 Thoughts to Ease Frustrations

You know you shouldn’t compare yourself and your relationship with your children to your co-parents. Yet, Envy rears its ugly head when your children seem to have all the fun away from you.

You see your time for custody exchange nearing on your shared parenting app and think, “Oh, boy! I wonder what they’ll get into this time.”

They take your child on lavish vacations and dole out the most expensive gifts–memories you wish you and your child were making together. Money you can’t even dream of spending.

On top of it all, your co-parent skates through co-parenting life. Apparently, they don’t have the same parenting responsibilities you do. Going to their house is a free-for-all for your child.

Why do they get to have all the fun?! Meanwhile, you work hard but never have the extra funds to splurge on fun and far-off getaways. You’re the one making sure your child has routine and discipline.

It’s frustrating! It’s unfair!

It’s called a “Disneyland co-parent.” This term describes a divorced co-parent who indulges their children with presents and travels and who lacks responsibility.

Co-parenting alongside a Disneyland co-parent can be frustrating, to say the least. But you don’t have to get stuck in those feelings.

Remind yourself of these seven things to free your mind:

1. Bonding Is What It’s All About

What you really crave (or should crave) is connection with your child. No amount of money can take the place of spending quality time together.

Is a relationship only good when you’re having fun? Of course not. Simple moments and difficult ones help bond you together.

Being there to listen to them and help them through the good and the bad (like homework and friend troubles) improves your relationship. Deep bonds are built in the trenches.

2. Looks Can Be Deceiving

You see the evidence plastered all over their social media page or your shared co-parenting app for Android and iPhone, where you and your co-parent share pictures, schedules, and child-related expenses. Your co-parent or child has documented pictures of their extravagance.

Those, and the stories to hear from your kids, make their time together seem more fun than yours. However, don’t assume it was all sunshine and rainbows without the rain.

The destination may have been fun; the trip, not so much. Remind yourself how stressful traveling can be–long car and plane rides, being at the mercy of the weather, getting stuck in traffic or at the airport, having to find a bathroom for your child every 30 minutes, and worrying about the timing of everything.

Planning and executing a vacation is a lot of stressful work. Sure, some moments may be grand, but you’re only getting the highlight reels (hopefully).

Just remember that the grass on the other side tends to look greener. Meaning the snapshots and tales you hear don’t tell the whole story.

You likely won’t hear about the less fun stuff (unless it was pretty awful). Be grateful that your children focus on those positive aspects instead of the negative ones.

Not to mention, the grand trips and gifts don’t make for a strong relationship. Your child won’t love their other parent more if that parent replaces love and affection with more fleeting, monetary things.

3. Water Your Own Grass

Speaking of the grass being greener on the other side, it’s time to stop monitoring and measuring how much fun your co-parent has with your child. Create your own good times instead.

Most circumstances are outside of your control, especially what your ex does. Your reactions, though, are totally within your power. Control the only thing you can–your attitude and behavior.

Spend more time being the kind of parent you want to be remembered as. Be the parent your child needs.

Pay attention to your child. Be present with them, actively listening and looking them in the eye when they talk to you.

Relax and laugh with your child. Play games. Eat meals together at the table without the TV or electronics.

Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is like taking a mental snapshot of what’s happening and recognizing how blessed or lucky you are in the moment.

4. Control Your Control Issues

You wish you had more say in what your ex does when your child is in their care. You don’t.

If your child is safe and loved, that’s a co-parenting win. Let go of the need to be in your child’s and co-parent’s business when they have time together.

5. Practice Gratitude

It’s easy to villainize your co-parent, especially if they mistreated you during your relationship or separation. Combat the anger, frustration, and envy by practicing daily gratitude.

Spend a few minutes each day thinking about what’s going in your favor. Consider writing at least five things you’re thankful for daily in a gratitude journal. (Writing helps you solidify thoughts in your brain.)

You can always be grateful for a co-parent who can afford to give your child experiences you can’t. You get to save money for future goals while your co-parent helps make your child more well-rounded.

6. Life Isn’t a Competition

There’s no winner-takes-all game when it comes to raising a healthy child. Your child can love you and your co-parent in different but equally profound ways.

Competing with your co-parent only hurts you. It can cause you to act in ways that drive a wedge between you and your child. It positions you to lose–you can’t lose without competing. It drives you to the wrong goal–” winning” instead of relationship-building.

7. Don’t Smear Your Co-Parent’s Name

Your co-parent seems to have all the fun and get all the affection from the kids. You balance the playing field by sneaking in snide remarks about their poor character.

Objection, leading the witness!

Avoid saying bad things about your co-parent. Avoid talking about them at all if you can’t keep yourself from rolling your eyes or making a negative expression or remark.

Putting them down doesn’t bring you up in your child’s eyes. It makes you look weak and unstable.

Gift Your Child You

Expensive experiences and gifts are cool (for a little while). They don’t take the place of a loving relationship, though.

Be grateful and happy for your child if their other parent can afford to take them places and gift them things you can’t. But never assume your time with them isn’t just as meaningful.

Avoid comparing yourself to your co-parent. Instead, do what you can to have fun with your child while in your care. Concentrate on building loving, close relationships with your children–something money can’t buy.

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Infographic

Feeling envy when your kids enjoy time with a “Disneyland” co-parent is normal. While frustrating, you don’t have to stay stuck. Discover this infographic for seven strategies to regain a positive mindset.